Recollection: Only Place I Call Home

"We were finally changing
It's our luck, we're a little too late"

We laid in content silence, me curled against him and him with his arm around me. So much had happened since I started running, since I found him again. So much joy, and so much loss. He'd gotten taller, a bit more refined but he would always be rough around the edges. I was sandpaper that could smooth, yes, but too much would wear me down. We had always been a balancing act, but we lived in tandem, a prefect dance in unison. And now, in union.

He knew why I had made this decision. They would be leaving soon and I would be going to Antithesis. There was a chance that we'd never meet again, there was a chance that he wouldn't survive. There was a chance that I wouldn't either. The smoke from his cigarette wafted around the room. He claimed that he only did this afterwards, but I knew that he smoked once every few weeks because of stress. I snatched it from him and instead of putting it out like usual, I took a long drag and blew the smoke in his face. He just chuckled and pulled me back down, asking if I was trying to start something. I responded by informing him that I don't start things that I can't finish.

Our peace was disturbed by a knock, a tap, on the door to the bedroom. Naomi yelled at him that they were leaving within the hour and he still had to get his things together. He sighed and pulled me to him, holding me tightly, before getting up. Mechanically I followed suit, pulling on, buttoning, straightening. My eyes were fixed on the ground. I felt so much in that moment, content, love, warmth, shame, confusion, loss...

"Hey."

"Don't go." The words flew from my mouth before I could stop them.

"You know I have to girl, someone needs to keep Naomi and Andrew from killing each other in their sibling fights."

"But... you can stay with us. I'm sure..."

I was silenced as his thumb gently brushed my cheek, taking with it a tear. He was gentle, something he only was with me. I knew him, who he really was not who he pretended to be.

"You won't get rid of me that easily, girl." He chuckled before continuing, "Besides, I'm bad for you remember?"

"Yeah, bad for my stress levels. I'd be less worried if you'd come with me."

"You have your path and I have mine. I'm sure you'll see me again." He shrugged as he grabbed his bag.

He exited the room and I trailed after, leaving all the warmth and the glow behind.

"Really you two? Tori, you just got back on your feet - literally! And you two go and-!"

"Don't."

One word from him, one glance, silenced her. I felt her look at my face, really look at it, and make a small sound.

We drove to the airport. I went one way, they went the other. I didn't look back, I didn't dare stop. I held together my already shattered heart as the plane lifted from the air and tried to place it back together. the world's most complicated jigsaw puzzle in my hands, I landed in Pittsburgh. The unsolvable conundrum in my life I followed the tracks. With already sore legs I climbed. I lay on the couch, immobile, placing piece after minuscule piece back where it belonged. Securing an already fragile glass heart with duct-tape and gorilla glue, praying to a god that didn't exist that this would be the last time I did this.