Reminiscence: Iridescent

When you were standing in the wake of devastation
When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown

Everything was black and red. 

Darkness and blood. 

Their bodies were strewn around me - those I had loved and those I had lost. 

Those who protected me. 

Cared for me. 

Guided me. 

Supported me. 

Died for me. 

They lay there, motionless, silent - heart-wrenchingly so.

And with the cataclysm raining down
Insides crying, "Save me now!"

"Please! Come back!" I sobbed, falling to my knees in the centre of all of them. 

"I need you! I'm Sorry! Please! Just come back!" 

My tears streamed down my cheeks, flowing down to meld with the blood on my hands. 

Their blood. 

I was the guilty one - I had led them to their deaths without warning; they had trusted me, loved me, and this is what they got.

This is what happened to everyone who got close to me it seemed.

 You were there, impossibly alone

"Please," I begged, "Please come back!"

I looked up to the nothingness of the sky.

"Bring them back!" I shouted, pleaded, cried.

"I need them, I don't know what to do now!" 

"Please!" 

"Bring them back!" 

"I don't want to be alone!" 

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known

I gasped, shooting upright from my bed. That wasn't the first time that dream had come to me. It wasn't always the same - sometimes the demons that plagued my waking hours made it through my mental labyrinth into my dreams and would grossly re-animate those I've lost. Sometimes they would bring the back perfectly and make me watch as they slaughtered them over and over again.

Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go. 

Shaking, I stood up and made my way to the bathroom. It was time for me to wake up anyway, it wasn't healthy for me to sleep in until the early evening every night when I fell asleep around midnight. I turned on the shower, making sure it was just hot enough to bring slight discomfort, and avoided looking at myself in the mirror as I undressed and stepped under the hot jets.

 Let it go

It wasn't that I didn't want to see the scars from (not so)long ago - I just couldn't bare to face myself. There was a part of me - a small part but a very loud one - that hated what I was doing to myself. That part hated my constant sleeping, never eating, and self-destructive habits. I allowed myself to cry for a minute before going about washing my face and hair - more violently than the average person.

And in a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars

I stayed under the spray until the water ran cold. I shut off the shower and wrapped myself up in a towel. Then, I meandered into the kitchen, picked up the mostly full bottle of Captain Morgan, and drank the rest of my day away. I drank until I was pleasantly warm, and numb, and unable to hear or see anything except myself and my empty house. 

You felt the gravity of tempered grace
Falling into empty space

And then I drank until I had trouble putting on cotton shorts and a sports bra. I drank until I couldn't understand what they were saying on the TV. I drank until the room danced with lights. I drank until the lights were gone. I drank until the sun set. And I drank until I passed out.  

No one there to catch you in their arms

I woke up after blissfully blackness to the sun glaring on my face. My head pounded. My eyes refused to open. My stomach churned. I lurched. I fell.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known

I scrabbled for the bottle. It was empty. I tried to stand. I fell. I crawled up the stairs. I pulled myself into the bathroom. I vomited. I vomited more. I vomited until I could only choke up stomach acid. I heaved. I fell. The tile cooled my feverish head. 

Remember all the sadness and frustration

I awakened sometime later, feeling improved but still a bit sick. I stumbled down the stairs and ate some bread. Then I retraced my steps and went into my room. I sighed as I sat down in the uncomfortable chair in front of my corner desk, where my laptop had sat ignored for nearly a year. I opened the lid and started it up. I had forgotten how loud the fan was, how loud the hard drive was. I went onto the familiar site and saw that I had deleted what I had before. I had a clean slate. Which was what I needed.

And let it go.

How long has it been? A year? Time sure files, doesn't it?

Let it go. 

I'll Spend My Christmas With You

Yes, I'm a shameless fan of Owl City

"Tori, wake up," I heard Skye say as he shook my shoulder gently.

"I don' wannaaaa," I mumbled and rolled over, cocooning myself in my blankets. I was warm and comfortable, I didn't feel like moving.

"I have your present," he said as he sat down on the other side of my bed. Well, that got my attention.

"What is it?" I poked my head out from under my covers and glared at Skye when he laughed at my bed-head. "Shut up..." I grumbled as a tried to fix my hair. I scooted myself up, blankets still wrapped around me, and reached down on the floor to pull up his bag of presents.

"I didn't say a thing," he laughed. I rolled my eyes at him and we exchanged gifts. Mine was a small box. I resisted the temptation to shake it because small generally means breakable. We sat there awkwardly, neither of us wanting to go first.

"You can go ahead, yours is bigger anyway," I smiled.

"A-alright..." he mumbled as he started taking out the wrapping paper. The first thing he pulled out was the main gift. He carefully unfolded the 4" blade from its sheath and stared at it.

"I figured that it might be good for you to get away from the runes for a bit," I shrugged. He was having a little trouble closing it so I shifted over and put my hands on top of his. "See you press this sideways and fold it in gently," I told him, using my hands to manipulate his. My chin was resting on his shoulder so I could see what I was doing.

"O-Okay, thanks T-tori," he blushed. I chuckled and backed up, motioning for him to finish opening his gifts. The second thing was a sketch book for runes. I had scribbled out "I swear to god if you put another rune on your skin I will kill you myself :)" on the first page. "Funny," he grumbled.

The last thing was an ugly Christmas sweater I got for like, five bucks at Good Will. Skye looked at me dubiously while I laughed at his expression. "I'm sorry, your face though!" I laughed.

"Just open your gift, Tori," he shook his head, obviously fighting back a smile. 

"Fine, fine," I rolled my eyes and situated myself so I was sitting cross-legged. By now I had gotten tired of being so tangled up so I had kicked the sheets off. I was in fuzzy pants and a huge t-shirt, my cold-weather sleep-wear. 

I picked up the small box and slit open the wrapping paper with my nails, feeling too lazy to grab one of the twenty knives I had lying around my room. Before proceeding with opening the small, black box that now sat in my lap, I balled up the wrapping paper and tossed it at Skye. It hit dead center on his fore-head. We laughed a little before I returned to my gift. 

"Holy shit Skye, where did you find this?" I looked up at him, not sure what I was feeling. He had gotten me a necklace. The chain was durable and silver and hanging on it was a pendant shaped like a small dagger with a deep purple rose in the middle of the "blade." 

He shrugged, but before he could answer I tackled him in a hug, knocking him backwards onto my bed. He laughed and I felt his arms wrap around me. "I'm guessing you like it?" I heard him say. I nodded before looking up at him. I started to say something, but I didn't know how to express what I was feeling.

"I... Just... Thank you," I smiled and laid my head back down on his chest. I felt him rub circles on my back and I closed my eyes, relaxed. 

"Hey Tori?"

"Mm?" I mumbled.

"I..." he trailed off and I felt him tense up. 

I propped myself up to look at him and I was in his eyes and blushing face the same confusion and mix of emotions that I felt. His blue eyes looked away from mine out of embarrassment. I smiled down at him gently, shaking my head slightly. 

"I know, me too." His eyes snapped back to mine in shock and I gave a slight laugh at his shock.
"But I didn't say anything," he stared up at me, confused.

"You don't need to," I smiled. My lips tugged down at the ends. "Fuck. I can imagine the comments now," I groaned.

Skye laughed and gently pulled me back down to rest my head on his chest. "We can worry about that later, alright?"

I hummed in contentment. "That sounds great." 

I Didn't Die, I Went Straight To Retail Hell

Now, many of you are probably wondering "Tori. WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"

I've been in hell. AKA: working retail during the damn holidays. So buckle up boys and girls, for I am about to tell to you a thing. And the moral? Don't be a dick to the cashier. They will talk trash about you behind your back.

Now, some of you may be wondering, "Tori how the hell did you manage to get a job? You don't have any legal guardians or fake papers... You don't have fake papers right?"

Well, as I've said before "yes I have a fake ID. Don't ask how or why, just accept it" But that's the extent of it. And it's a high-quality one. A little ghost may have told me who to get in contact with to get one, but that's beside the point.

The guy who ended up hiring me was, big surprise, also a proxy. Hell, that's why he hired me. Honestly I think he just needed someone in the loop that he could talk to semi-regularly - I take Skye for granted in that regard.

Now, having two proxies in one store is troubling sometimes, especially when Father decides to assign one or both of us missions in the MIDDLE OF OUR SHIFTS. Seriously, I was on break one time and He just pops up out of fucking NOWHERE. 

And yes, it does make the security cameras to haywire. It's funny to see the company guys come out and scratch their heads over it though. They always ask me if I know what's up with it or anything and I tell them that I've long accepted it as just the system being itself. After all, our registers are narcoleptic.

Now, it's not just Matt - the manager - and I. There's other part-timers, like me, and assistant managers. (Matt's the Store Manager). I don't really work with many of the others. I see them and am friendly with them, but it's usually just Matt and myself on the night shift most nights. Matt says it's more a safety thing and I believe it - Father likes to pop in at night a lot, as I've said... god I'm so scattered in this post. I've been away from the blog for too long...

Switching topics, I do have some pretty crazy customer stories - you can't work retail and escape them. Especially when you work nights, that's when all the freaky-deaky people roll up and buy about 20 condoms, strawberry-kiwi lube, and some cat litter. Yeah.

Since I can practically hear you all screaming at your screens "WHAT ABOUT MY SHIPPING? GIVE ME OTP FEELS." I'll indulge you in saying that... Skye will cover all of the Christmas preparations... because he did most of it...

But hey, I got cookie dough out of it and there was a flour battle. Worth it. (I won for sure.)

I'm still here.

I'll get to the post about why there's been radio silence for so long. But that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is to show off my new weapons!

First off is my butterfly knife. You guys don't understand how much I love this thing.

Secondly. Oh look a hair brush

jk it's a shank

And then I had some fun:

HELLO YES I KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING

And this one is M's picture... She enjoys weapons as well... She just needs to steal my body to use them.

Well I'll get to work on my post about how Retail is HELL around this time of the year soon...

I Still Have Nothing Better To Do

CLICK ME  I finally finished up my "Shit I've Been Through" page.

Because I Have Nothing Better To Do With My Time

I made a music page. Yes it's necessary.

Mission The Second Part Three (See Who I Am)

Is it true what they say?
Are we too blind to find a way?

Saturday.  27 July, 2013. Roughly 10PM, EST.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I yelled as Adrian dragged me out of my tent, one of my own pistols pressed to my head. He held me in front of him, gripping my wrists tightly behind my back. My shout woke up everyone else and alerted James, who was on guard duty. They all came rushing over, but stopped when they saw that he had a gun to my head.

Fear of the unknown
Clouds our hearts today.

"I'm gonna make this simple guys. I'm a proxy and I've been picking you guys off one by one since I joined up. Crazy right?" he laughed and pulled me closer to him, pressing the gun firmly against my temple. I let out a whimper of fear - a fake one of course.

"Please stop," I begged him, trying to squirm out of his grasp. "Let me go."

Come into my world,
See through my eyes.

"Now, now little miss, why would I want to do that?" I could hear the smirk in his voice. He loosened his grip on my wrists though, thankfully. We had agreed that this had to look convincing, but neither of us wanted the other to get hurt.

"What do you want?" Luke spat, glaring daggers at Adrian.

"Easy," he shrugged, "convert or die."

Try to understand,
Don't want to lose what we have.

"Like you won't kill us after we say that we'll become proxies?" Luke growled.

"We don't kill our own, we're like a family." Adrian smiled at them as he lightly tapped the trigger.

I was looking at all of them fearfully as tears started to well up in my eyes. "W-what about me?"

We've been dreaming
But who can deny?

Adrian let out a short chuckle. "Oh, I think you can imagine my plans for you, converted or not." He let go of my wrists and pulled his arm around me, holding me in a vice-like grip against his body. It was quite obvious what his intentions were.

"You're fucking sick!" I spat, "I'm not even legal!" This wasn't part of the plan, I had established that there would be nothing like... this happening unless he wanted to pay the consequences. Evidently he did.

It's the best way of living
Between the truth and the lies.

"It's not like anyone can stop me, you're all below me." I shuddered in revulsion as he started stroking my hip.

I snapped.

See who I am,
Break through the surface.

If he wasn't going to follow the plan than I wasn't either. I jabbed him in the kidney and neatly took my gun back, aiming it as his neck. "Okay you creep, I'm tired of you. So just sit down, shut up, and don't touch me again."

I smiled and turned back to the other four. "Sorry about that, seems like someone isn't good at following directions," I laughed. "Anyway, my name is Tori and it will be my pleasure to kill you all tonight if you refuse to convert."

Reach for my hand,
Let's show them that we can

The stared at me in shocked silence.

"Yes, I'm a proxy as well. You guys are so naive. I mean really now? Will you let any pretty face you meet in a dark alley join your group? Careless..."

"What the hell?! We trusted you - both of you!" Lucas roared.

"Trust is for fools who don't know how the universe works," I scoffed.

Free our minds and find a way.
The world is in our hands,

Just then, James rushed at me, knife in hand. I blocked his strike with my gun before disarming him. I went back to pointing the gun and Adrian and pointed James' knife back at him. "Such a childish attempt," I rolled my eyes.

Without warning, I brought the gun to point at James and fired off a shot, not flinching at the loud sound when everyone else - including Adrian - did. "Next time you won't get so lucky."

I had fired over his head.

This is not the end.

"Now, you have two choices here. You can either live and work for my Father alongside myself and this sniveling idiot or I can kill you, as is my job."

"None of us are converting, that's final." Lucas spoke with an authority that seemed to reassure the rest of the runners.

Fear is withering the soul
At the point of no return.

"Then all of you are dying, that's final." The corners of my mouth lifted up in a feral smirk. "So, which one of you is first? You all seem so eager to die after all."

Silence. The runners looked at each other, the fact that I was going to kill them finally sinking in. Through some unspoken agreement, Lucas and James rushed me, thinking that brute strength would subdue me.

We must be the change we wish to see.
 

"Easy."

I fired off three shots and blood arced onto the ground. I hit James twice in both of his legs and Lucas once, through his shoulder.

They fell to the ground, moaning in pain.

I'll come into your world,
See through your eyes.

"Adrian, would you mind dealing with the ladies while I take care of these two?" I asked casually, flipping the knife around and catching it easily by the blade to hold the handle out to him.

"No problem," he responded. I flickered my eyes down to see that he had a feral smile on his face, one to match mine.

I'll try to understand,
Before we lose what we have.

He stood up easily and gently took the knife from me. He started walking over to the twins, who were now cowering against each other, but paused and turned around. "You wanna have coffee after this?"

"Possibly," I shrugged before kicking James in the head to keep him down.

"Now, I'm going to ask again boys," I knelt down and smirked down at the both of them. "Will you join me?"

We just can't stop believing
Because we have to try.

"Never you bitch," Lucas spat. I shot him in his hand and he screamed in pain.

"I'm giving you so many chances," I sighed, as if I was talking to a particularly rude child, "And yet you still refuse to see reason." I moved both of their heads so the could look at me.

"You twisted whore!" James growled.

We can rise above their truth and their lies.

"Ah-ah-ah," I chastised him, "no naughty words." I shot James in his hand as well. He was better at keeping in his cry of pain, but a pained sound still managed to eeke through his lips.

"I'm giving you one last-" my sentence was cut off by one of the twins screaming.

See who I am,

"Can you keep it down over there?" I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, your gun makes more noise than her screaming," Adrian shot back.

Break through the surface.

"Point. Feel free to continue," I shrugged before putting a bullet into Lucas' left shoulder.

"Last chance boys. And I promise that the gun won't take you to your maker," I smirked down at them before flipping out a switchblade I had in my pocket.

Reach for my hand,

I saw them glance at each other before looking back up at me.

"No."

"Your choice. Too bad it's the wrong one."

I started with Lucas, slashing a line from his shoulder to his hand, making sure not to nick an artery. Then I turned to James and carved an intricate, swirling pattern on his cheeks. Their screams mixed with those of the twins'.

And show them that we can

An intoxicating sound. A symphony of shrieks and yells and cries for mercy.

"I can see it, you'll be leaving this world soon. Last chance. My Father can save you," I whispered as I dragged the blade lazily across their mauled skin. 

Free our minds and find a way.

They were both too tired form blood loss to say a word, but had just enough strength to muster up glares.

The world is in our hands.

"Your loss. Say hello to my father for me, will you two pitiful humans?"

They departed just as Adrian got tired of the two girls and slit their throats. I stood up and walked over to him.

This is not the end.

"Impressive work," I smirked as we admired his handiwork. He had favored small stab wounds to my elaborate cuts.

Just then a wave of dizziness washed over me and I swayed. Adrian held me upright while the world turned black and faded back in. 

I hear their silence
Preaching my blame.

"You okay?" he asked cautiously.

"I..." I blinked and looked around the blood-soaked rooftop, down to my clothes, over to him, the rising sun, the blood, the twins, Lucas, James, the blood, my clothes, his clothes, the rooftop.

"I... I... How..." realization dawned on me and I let out an angry growl.

"You okay?" he asked again.

Will our strength remain
If their power reigns?

"No I'm-" I caught sight of my hands, the red, the blood, the smell. "I'm afraid that... I wasn't myself just then."

"Yeah well the slowly-torture-two-guys you is really hot," he smirked and ran his bloody hands on my bloody hips and up to my bloody sides.

"NO!"

See who I am,

I whirled around and slashed his arm with the knife. Nothing major. But it was enough to get him to keep is distance.

My chest heaved up and down and my eyes darted around like a trapped animal. I couldn't get that coppery smell out of my nose. I couldn't wash the red from my vision.

"S-stay away," my voice shook. But I wasn't talking to him.

Break through the surface.

"Awh, but I had so much fun. And he's hot. Why don't you dump the bookworm and fuck this one's brains out?"

"You're not allowed control! We agreed on that!"

Reach for my hand,

"Who are you talking to?" Adrian looked around.

"Leave." I stared him down. 

And show them that we can

He started to protest, but I glared at him and raised my gun. He ran.

"You shouldn't have done that! You can't-"

"Only when you really want me to. You wanted to do this, you just needed the strength and balance. You have them, but I have more. It was resourceful," she shrugged and walked around the bodies of the twins.

Free our minds and find a way.

"No. It was all you! I didn't do anything!"

"You planned, you plotted, now you're running from the glory."

"N-"

"Victoria Lee Francis you are a bloodthristy killer and nothing will change that."

The world is in our hands.

"No! I'm not... I didn't"

But I did. And I am.

And I'm still not okay with that.

This is not the end.

I'd Rather Be A Comma Than A Full Stop

Alright, I suppose it's time to quit my bitching and finish up the third part of that mission post...
Don't get me wrong, I've been trying but every time I go back and remember I just... I feel dirty. I know that it's my job and I know that it was either convert them or kill them - those were my orders....

I guess at the end of the day I'm just a 17-year-old whose in way over her head.

Happy late birthday to me...

Story of the Teenager

Once upon a time there was a girl who grew into her teen years. She was the same as every other girl, but that doesn't mean that she wasn't different. She was different. The girl lived through years of forced religion, tragedy, blood, and ethereal beings. She met others who were as corrupt as she, but many of them perished.

The girl does not know how her life will end, nor how old she will be when it ends. Knowing this would disrupt the flow of the universe.

Story of the Young Woman

Once upon a time there was a girl who grew into a young woman. She was adventurous, and wished to see new lands. She was the same as the other women on the ship bound for the new world, but that doesn't mean that she wasn't different.

The woman was ended by starvation in the new world at the age of twenty-five.

Story of the Old Woman

Once upon a time there was a girl who grew into a woman. She was intelligent for a woman of the 15th century, but intellect only got her so far. This woman grew into an old woman that was like every other, but that doesn't mean that she wasn't different.

The woman was killed slowly after contracting the Black Death at the age of fifty-seven.

Mission The Second Part Two (Volatile Times)

Look at me

Days passed and the small group seemed to become rather attached to Violet. Many of them would come to me for advice not just about Slendy and running, but life in general. Everyone except Adrian of course. Everyone else thought that we had something going on between us and, in a way, they were right. But it wasn't romantic - we were just planning on killing them.

One night, three days after I got there, we were sitting inside his tent while everyone else was asleep and Luke was on watch duty.

What have I become?

"You know I still don't believe that you're a proxy, you could just be some crazy-ass runner. Or a fed. Show me where you're marked."

"I'd rather not..." I muttered, looking away from him.

"You got to see mine."

"Yours is on your arm."

Adrian did very little to hide his mark, and he just played it off as a scar he got from fighting a proxy when he started out.  Which was probably true, but it seems like those who are marked early on usually end up becoming Proxies - at least it seems that way to me.

I am lost I was once...

Suddenly he was hovering over where I had been laying on my back, nearly pinning me. "I'm not above finding out for myself," he smirked.

"And I'm not above kicking you in the balls," I smirked back. We both laughed softly at this. "Besides, I'm not marked on the front part of my person."

Adrian cocked an eyebrow before grabbing me and rolling me over. I let him. I felt him sit down on my back. I turned my head in an attempt to see what he was doing. When I finally twisted my head around in a way that I could see him, I could see him smirking. I raised my eyebrows, silently telling him that he would regret trying to take my clothes off. He rolled his eyes and got off of me.

"Fine, I'll show you..." I sighed and sat up, facing my back towards him. "Oh and by the way, I have about a million scars pretty much all over my body."

A "gentleman"

"So that's why you're wearing jeans and long sleeves in - holy shit V!"

"Hey, I wasn't kidding," I smirked. I had my shirt lifted mid-way up my back. I flinched when I felt his finger brush lightly against my back.

"How the hell...?"

"Back when I was still running, I thought I could take on a proxy that was pretty to close to being a Revenant as you can get. I was wrong. Got myself carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey as well as both of my legs and a few fingers broken. Internal bleeding. Fractured ribs. And I just about went crazy from being in a wheel chair for a long time," I shrugged. "Anyway my mark? Think tramp stamp."

"What do you...?" He trailed off before I felt him poke the top half of the operator symbol. "Oh."

"Yeah. You believe me now?"

"Yeah, I do," he muttered as he traced over some of my other scars, causing me to shiver. Eventually he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me back to lean on him. He continued tracing the scars on my stomach. "You know, these are too sexy to cover up," he whispered in my ear.

"Hmmm, that seems to be the popular opinion," I chuckled. "So what're you doing with this group?"

But I will remember the ups and the down

"Easiest way to snag runners. I just kill them off one by one every few weeks. But I always make sure to leave a few that will find me new ones." He moved his hands up slightly so he was tracing the scars at the bottom of my ribs. "What about you?"

"Orders from Father. I kill runners without blogs. I used to be a medic, but apparently he wants all hands on deck or something." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh so you run a blog? You sound like the writer type," he chuckled.

"Yeah well I'm not that great of a writer. Honestly it's just a way to talk to people that know about this kind of stuff, you know?" I moved so I was facing him, but still close. His hands were on my sides, still tracing over my scars.

"You live alone then I'm guessing?" The question was innocent but suddenly I felt like I needed to get out of there, and I needed him to stop touching me like this. It felt wrong when just moments ago... Well I'm sure you can guess.

"Sorry to cut this short, but I should get back to my tent before Luke calls you to take over his watch." I backed up but he grabbed my sides and started to lean over me.

"We have about an hour," he smirked.

Adieu to the fuckers that think that it's funny

"No, I should really get some sleep. Maybe some other time?" I smiled at him and brought my hands up to rest on his arms, gently pushing them away from me.

Adrian smirked and squeezed my sides lightly. "Didn't think you were such a damn tease," he growled.

"Get used to it," I smirked before crawling over to the opening of the tent.

Once I was in my own tent, I sat there, numb. Why had I reacted that way when he asked that? I shook my head and pushed it out of my mind - I had to focus on my mission not... that. Regardless, I knew that I had to study this group's dynamics before slaughtering them all.

A full week passed. In that week I learned that there was no leader of this group, but Luke was looked to as the authority figure. Apparently he had been running the longest. The twins were new to the running game and James fell between Luke and the twins. I also learned that Adrian had been running since he was eighteen and that he was actually twenty now.

The six of us were sitting around one of the camping lanterns that they had eating what little we had managed to scrounge up for dinner. I just needed to test out one more thing before I could start setting an attack plan in stone.

I just wanna turn the lights on

"What's the point of all of this though?" I asked suddenly. The other five looked at me with varying degrees of "the fuck is she talking about?" expressed on their faces, Adrian included. "Running I mean," I clarified.

"So we don't die..." James answered, sounding unsure.

"To protect our families," the twins spoke up, talking in unison. They too looked unsure.

"It's way better than being a damn proxie - a mindless servant," Luke spat.

"Instinct," Adrian piped up.

"Does running really solve that though? I mean, you can still get killed by proxies or Slendy, and your families aren't always safe. And we're the ones running mindlessly - like chickens with their heads cut off. Our instinct as humans is to survive in the best way possible, is this really the best way?"

"How the fuck can you think that Vi?!" Luke growled.

In these volatile times

"I have looked death straight in the eyes; I'm not afraid of it. My biological family is dead; I have no need to protect them. I have a mind of my own and that mind is telling me that this is going to backfire on us one way or another! So why not just give in?" I sighed and stared glumly at the camping light.

"Just because you're tired of it all doesn't mean it's not worth it you know," James said.

"What's the point in running when I haven't got anything to run for?" I stared at him.

"Hey, you've got us now right?" Natalie asked.

"We can be your family if you want," Melody smiled.

I smiled at them and murmured a thanks. We lapsed into silence for the rest of "dinner."

I just wanna turn the lights on

Later that night, Adrian ducked into my tent. I was awake still, making sure that my weapons were clean, sharp, and ready.

"Tomorrow night?" he whispered, eyeing my guns and throwing knives.

"Sounds good. I think that the twins and James are open to conversion... If the stakes are high enough."

In these volatile....

"Sounds like you already have a plan little miss," Adrian smirked as he pulled me over to him, trying to get me to lean on him.

"Don't call me that," I snapped. "But yes, I do have a plan. You up for a little acting?"

Adrian smirked at me and motioned for me to go on. I told him the idea and rough outline I had for the plan and by sunrise we had a fairly concrete plan, as well as alternatives if something happened.

"Get some sleep little miss, we have a big night tonight," Adrian winked as he exited my tent.

I fell into a fitful sleep that night, wrought with guilt and a sick feeling of elation.

Volatile Times

I'm Not Dead, But My Laptop Was

I had to get a new battery for the damn thing. Dell + Age = crap. Next time I'm getting a Toshiba...

Anyway I don't feel like typing up what has happened because a lot has and it deserves its own post. I will say this though - Slendy's pay is shit (read: $0.00) so I got myself a job at a convenience store/pharmacy. No name because it's against company policy or something. It's like Fight Club - but just the name. I will have stories for you because I'm a cashier and people are weird. as. fuck.

I've been going through my old files on this shitty laptop and I found a relic from my old blog. Behold: January 2012 me, in all my natural hair colored glory.

Mission The Second Part One (Kill The Lights)

This story's missing a wishing well....

Once again I found myself checking and rechecking my weapons in my room. Satisfied with the state of them, I shoved them into a duffel bag amid the clothes I had in there. I sighed and tugged at my worn jeans and faded long sleeved shirt and pushed my black-rimmed plastic glasses back up, I had forgotten how much they liked to slip down my nose.

This isn't exactly what I had planned to do when I had gotten the orders for this mission but it was a group of them this time, and I had to do this job the right way. And the right way meant doing this and not showing true compassion to these people.

"Are you sure about this Tori?" Skye asked. I turned to see that he was leaning on the door frame of my room, as he so often did.

"Yeah. I... I have to get used to this job, and the only way to do that is to do it this way..." I sighed.

"Well I'll make sure not to blow up the house while you're gone," he joked. 

"Make sure not to blow yourself up with your runes is more like it," I muttered before heaving a sigh. "And make sure to feed Alaska around five at night. And you can use the punching bag in the basement to replace sparring. And-"

Skye cut me off with a laugh. I looked over at him questioningly. "I know Tori you told me before."

"I know... I just..." I gave a defeated sigh and slumped my shoulders. "I feel like shit about this decision..."

"Well it's like you said..." he trailed off. I knew he wasn't comfortable with this either.

"I know... Just... Be safe alright?" I looked up at him. 

"I will. And I'll keep Alaska safe too," he smiled. I smiled back at him.

"Trust me, if there was any other way..." I trailed off.

"I know."

Every prince is a fantasy

We stood there awkwardly for a bit, both not knowing how to say goodbye. He opened his mouth to say something and I opted for the more direct route. I walked over and hugged him with more strength than my hugs normally had. I felt him hesitantly wrap his arms around me. "A-are you r-really gonna m-miss me that m-much?" he stuttered. 

"No I'm gonna miss your cooking," I mumbled into his chest. My glasses were pressing awkwardly into my face and probably slightly painfully into his chest, but I didn't really care. He tried and failed to start many sentences before I pulled away from him. 

I sighed once more and grabbed my bag. I looked back up at Skye to see that there was still a faint blush on his cheeks from when I hugged him. I chuckled softly before adjusting my glasses (again) and pulling on some beat-up fingerless gloves. "I'll be back in about a week hopefully..." I trailed off.

"Well I'm not going anywhere so don't worry." He smiled at me again. I smiled back before closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I opened them right before I stepped into the path to see that Skye's mouth was open, as if he wanted to say one last thing.

We kill the lights

"Well he can tell me when I get back," I mumbled to myself and set off. The black figures that I had seen at a distance last time were closer now, like they were curious about me. I shrugged it off and walked another minute or so before stepping out of the path and into an alleyway between two blocks of houses somewhere outside of Baltimore. The area I had been given wasn't very specific this time - apparently this group moved around a lot. I sighed and went to my left, figuring that I'd just walk the alleyways until I found the group, or signs of them anyway.

After about an hour of wandering I was getting frustrated. No sign, no people, only rats. I let out a growl of frustration and kicked someone's backyard fence. The chain rattled, louder than I thought it would be.

"Whose there?" a voice shouted from the end of the alleyway that I had just come from. Instinctively I gabbed my revolver out of my bag and aimed it down the alley.

"I have a gun, show yourself," I shouted back. I watched as a figure slowly made its way to me from the end of the alleyway, hands raised with a blade in one of them. When the figure was close enough, I could see that it was male, probably around nineteen with shaggy blond hair and dark eyes. "Where am I? Is this still Maryland?"

And put on a show

"We're in Dundalk," he replied, eyes narrowed.

"How the hell...?" I trailed off sighing. "I thought I was at least in PA by now... dammit..." I muttered, loud enough for him to hear but soft enough to make it sound like an accident.

"What are you running from?" he asked, smirking.

"Demons with no faces and great taste in men's finery," I muttered sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

The male bit out a chuckle. "Not exactly a demon, but you're close. Come on, you look like you've been wandering a while." He put his switchblade back in his pants pocket and held out a hand to me. I eyed it warily before I clicked the safety back on the revolver and put it back in my bag. Self-consciously I tugged my sleeves down again before lightly placing my hand in his. He gripped my hand lightly before leading me though the streets and alleys.

"It's like 85 degrees out here, what's with the jeans and long sleeves?" he asked, smirk evident in his voice.

"I got on the wrong end of a knife of one of the Tall Bastard's lackeys," I sighed.

"I'm sorry..." he trailed off and gave my hand a small squeeze.

"You couldn't have known, it's fine," I brushed it off. "So where are we going?"

"Well first, we need to cross this road that's coming up..." he murmured.

It's all a lie

"What road is - Dude this is a highway!" My voice shot up an octave and I ripped my hand from his grasp. "You're insane! We'll get hit by some jerk-off who doesn't have his headlights on or some shit like that!"

"You're running from some eldritch horror-terror and you're worried about getting hit by a car," he stated dubiously.

"Admittedly I'd rather be done in by a car than that... thing..." I trailed off.

Suddenly, he grabbed my hand and ran across the road. I was too shocked to do anything but run with him, hoping that some jackass with his lights off didn't come barreling down the road at 80 miles an hour (about 130 kilometers per hour for those who use the metric system). Luckily, we weren't turned into road pancakes.

"Come on, we're camped out on the roof of that building over there," he said as he pointed to the empty parking lot of a shopping center. I looked up to see that there were walls around the roof of the building, giving the group of runners some cover. Smart, I have to admit. However, deciding to trust some random stranger who you found walking around alleyways wasn't smart. I sighed and shook my head. Keeping up this character was starting to get to me, and it hadn't even been two hours yet.

"You alright?" he asked as we walked around to the back of the building.

"Yeah, just thinking is all," I shrugged.

But you'd never know

"Ladies first," he smirked, gesturing to the ladder that was on the side of the building.

"And let you stare at my ass while I climb up? I think not," I scoffed. "Lead the way..." I trailed off. He hadn't told me his name, nor had I told him mine.

"Lucas Greyfield," he smiled. "You can call me Luke if you want though," he shrugged.

"Alright Luke, I'm Violet Stevens," I smiled back. "And you can just call me Vi if you want, I don't really like being named after a flower."

The star will shine

Luke smirked and held up my hand before brushing his lips against the cloth that covered my knuckles, never breaking eye contact. "I think it's a beautiful name."

"HEY LUKE!" a voice yelled down from above. "STOP TRYING TO SEDUCE THE NEWBIE!"

"HEY JAMES!" Luke yelled back, "SHUT UP."

"HEY LUKE! THAT'S MEAN!"

Luke rolled his eyes and started up the ladder. I followed close after wondering in the back of my mind what he would've done if James hadn't have called down when he did. Well one thing's for sure, I thought to myself, I certainly wouldn't be here for a week if he would have tried anything.         

And then it will fall

He pulled me up when I got to the top the ladder, and I pretended not to notice how his hand trailed down my side lightly when he let go of my hand. I looked around to see that they had small tents set up that didn't rise above the wall around the roof, which was about four feet tall. There were only about five or six tents, and it looked like it was one person to a tent if the small crowd that had gathered was any evidence.

"So that's what took you so long!" one of the two girls called out.

"Figures, we send him out for food and he brings back a girl," the other girl laughed.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Luke exclaimed. The four other people just laughed.

And you will forget it all

"Anyway, introduction time!" the guy who had yelled down called out. "I'm James. You already know this guy's Luke," he pointed at a fuming Luke. "The two girls over there are Melody and Natalie - they're twins. And that guy smoking over there is Adrian. HEY ADRIAN GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND SAY HI!"

I winced at James' sudden change in volume. The other guy, who also looked to be about 19 but could pass for 21, walked over. When we met each other's eyes the song changed. Before it was slightly approving, he knew of my plan, with violent undertones. Now it was... well as melodious as I've heard the song get. The last time I had heard the song sound like this was back at Antithesis when I lived with a bunch of proxies.

"Have we met before?" Adrian asked me, sounding as confused as I felt.

"I... I don't know you seem... familiar..." I mumbled. I just wanted to say it right out, because I knew that he was like me but I had to stay Violet and not become Tori.

"Maybe we lived in the same neighborhood or something," he shrugged, but his eyes were trying to tell me something.

And after midnight we're all the same

"Yeah, I think that we went to the same school before I started running actually. That dumb catholic school where we had to pray to Father and call everyone Brother and Sister?" I raised my eyebrows and stared hard at him, hoping he would get it.

"Saint Twiggy's, oh I mean Saint. Thomas. The. Third's," Adrian stated the name like he was a teacher drilling the name into student's heads. But what he had said first confirmed it for me.

"Ah yes, Saint Twiggy's. So many grueling assignments... We should catch up later," I smiled at him.

"It would be my pleasure," he smirked, looking me from head to two. "You've grown."

"And I see you still haven't kicked your sinful habits," I smirked back, gesturing to his cigarette, before turning to Luke. "So where am I crashing for the night?"

Every story's a waiting game

"With me of course!" Adrian laughed and went to wrap an arm around my waist. I had him pinned with his arm held behind his back, threatening to dislocate his shoulder in five seconds flat. His cigarette was on the rooftop.

"Not funny," I growled before getting closer to his ear. "I'll find your tent sometime tomorrow night, we need to talk," I whispered in his ear. "But seriously I do not give two fucks if you're a proxy or not. I will castrate you with a rusty spoon, got it?" I hissed and gave his arm a painful jerk.

"Jesus girl your threats got scarier!" Adrian exclaimed as I let him go.

"Where can I sleep?" I asked Luke again, sounding tired.

"We have an extra tent that you can set up. I would suggest with the twins, but these tents aren't exactly big, you know?" Luke laughed. The rest of us laughed along with him.

It's all a lie

Luke lead the way while James, Melody and Natalie went back to whatever they were doing before. Adrian tagged along with us. We stopped at a dull blue tent and Luke went in and came back out with a bundle in his arms, which he promptly deposited in mine. It was a dull red colour and had some spots where it looked like it had been bleached. I didn't want to know.

With the help of the two guys, we got the tent up eventually, but we kept putting the poles in the wrong place. By now the sun was starting to light up the horizon. I groaned when I realized that I had stayed up through the night.

"Get some sleep Vi, someone will wake you up around noon - we usually have food then." Luke patted my shoulder before walking over to James.

But you'd never know

"My tent's the green one right there," Adrian pointed to the tent that wasn't even ten feet away from mine as he tried to light another cigarette. The wind kept blowing the flame on the lighter out. I rolled my eyes and grabbed it from him. He cupped his hands around the end of his cigarette and I used my hand as a shield from the wind for the flame. It lit the first time. "You smoke too?" he asked, blowing some of the smoke into my face. It was cherry-scented.

"Nah, I'm just good with lighters." I shrugged before yawning. "Sorry, I'm tired as hell. Mind if I take a rain check on the catching up?"

He looked down at me and half-smiled. "Anything you want. Just one question - you planning on killing them all at once?"

The star will shine

I started to nod, but then shrugged. "Initially yeah, but I'm not too sure now. I need to see how they work as a group first. This is probably gonna take a while longer than I guessed it would. And I would prefer to convert them if possible, you know?"

"Yeah... So how long were you planning on staying here?" he asked me, blowing the smoke away from my face.

"About a week at most..." I trailed off.

And then it will fall

"That won't cut it and you know it," Adrian smirked, green eyes dancing with amusement.

"Yeah yeah," I mumbled through another yawn.

"Go to sleep, we can talk about this some other night," he smirked before running his fingers through my hair. At this point I was so tired that I didn't care that he was touching me again.

"Alright..." I yawned again before crawling into my tent, dragging my bag with me. I stayed up for about half an hour, a sinking feeling in my gut. I figured that it was because I was planning to kill most of these people, but that wasn't all of it. Before I could identify what was eating away at me, I fell into a dreamless sleep.

And you will forget it all...

The post about my latest mission...

It's long. I'm breaking it into parts. Three sounds good.

I keep telling myself that I am not less of a person because of what I did, but that's a lie.

I'm home

I hate myself

Story of the Child

Once upon a time there was a little girl. She lived during the Greek Empire. She felt close to her patron god, Apollo. She was like every other girl that was living then, but that doesn't mean that she wasn't different.

The girl was ran though with a spear for throwing a rock at the Roman commander that took over her town at the age of eleven.

Public Service Announcement #1

This next mission I'm going on... well it's going to take a while. I won't say why. I'm leaving sometime tomorrow, so I'll be online until then...

I'm not happy with the way this mission will be executed, but it's necessary...

But I'll be away from wifi and I don't want to kill my phone's battery by using data. But I promise I'll be fine... well physically...

Also I'm extremely tired right now. I prefer to go a night or two without sleep and slip right into the deeper sleep than sleep everynight and be plagued by nightmares in REM state. Not to say that I don't have the occasional nightmare, but it's not like I'm waking up Skye screaming anymore. So that's good I suppose....

Well, I guess I'll talk to most of you after this mission....

fucking technology

hey there its m. im typiong up my post about by lovely and smoking hot self that i was promised. be a dear and forget any typos im no too famililar with technology. it keeps changing so ive stopped trying to learn it.

ummmm lets see well im a demon so i guess thats a starting point. i used to be a human by the way, and i was a tiger before then. but explaining it out would probably get me vanished by the powers that be. you can make guesses and all but i wont give you an answer. but any random ass posts that tori makes... well dont take them at face value. trust me she knows how to skit around the powers that be like you wouldnt believe.

so like tori said im hot as fuck and i know it. i can change forms if i want but this ones the best. ill leave the proportions up to your imagination but lets just say id fit in will an a playboy magazene. 

and for the record i am taking over toris body to type this i dont have a physical body of my own. she can see me because...... fuck i dont really get it and neither does she she just can. me. dead people. and about fifty other demons that like to hang around as well as all of you living ones. luckily or unluckily the only dead people she sees are those who were close to her. since vic moved on its just sky now. hes an instresting one trust me. oh yeah i can see them too guess it comes with the whole not having a body thing. oh yeah and ryan pops in from the afterlife but he usually goes over to where lucia and the little nightmare i mean devin are and checks up on them.

ummm what else to say before tori shoves me out of her concious mind... oh yeah since that last sparring match and that argument in the kitchen you would not believe the ammount of sexual tension

Okay that's quite enough of her. I'm back and even though it's pretty clear what's M's and what's mine, I'm changing her font colour. She wanted obnoxious pink so there we have it. And apparently if I change anything she typed she'll just take over again and make it worse... I swear she's the worst out of all of you...

The Wheel Breaks The Butterfly

"Okay so what the hell is up with people on the blogs?" I blinked and looked up to see Skye descending angrily down the stairs. "I mean at first it was fine but now it's just annoying."

"It's entertainment I guess. Or maybe they're hoping on a Slender Man version of Romeo and Juliet. I really couldn't care less," I sighed as I carried the vase of black roses over to the sink and refilled the water. I don't give two shits if they're from Smiley, they're pretty and they smell nice.

"It doesn't bother you?" Skye asked.

I chuckled and shook my head as I put the vase back where it was. "You act like this is the first time I've had people try to play match-maker with me." I smirked over at Skye as I hopped up to sit on the kitchen counter; he had a confused look on his face. "I did happen to go through middle school and freshman year before all this happened."

"W-well they could at least tone it down," he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. The turkey comment from Chris - while clever and seasonally inappropriate enough to be funny - was a bit over the line. But I can't really blame them..." I shrugged.

"I guess you have a point..." Skye trailed off as he leaned on the counter across from me.

"I generally do, if only people listen." I chuckled again before sighing. "Besides," I paused, wondering how I should phrase my next sentence. "It's not like anyone could really find me attractive anyway," I shrugged.

"W-what do you m-mean Tori?!" Skye asked, a bit louder and more flustered than before. His face was starting to flush up.

I have a dry chuckle. "Have you seen my skin?" I gave him a hard stare while I uncrossed and recrossed my legs. Since that sparring match I had taken to wearing shorts and tank-tops around the house like usual. "Like I said before, you'd be hard pressed to find a square inch of me that isn't scarred. How the hell can anyone be attracted to that? God knows I'm not and I'm the one who has to look at myself in the mirror every damn day! So how could..." I trailed off and averted my gaze to the floor. I noticed that I had been yelling and I felt like I was going to cry again. I pushed back the tears - now was not the time to cry.

"B-but you're wrong!" Skye exclaimed. I looked up at him to see that he was blushing worse than before. But, he had a determined look in his eyes that I hadn't really seen much of. When he noticed I was looking at him his face turned the colour of the tomato that was sitting on the counter next to him. "I a-actually th-think you're r-really p-pretty," he mumbled, staring at the floor.

I stared at him for a few seconds before heaving myself off of the counter and landing lightly on the kitchen floor. "Thanks, but I don't need your pity."

"I-it's n-not pity!" I looked up at  him, surprised to see that he was looking straight at me. "I-I don't care if y-you have a-a thousand s-scars or none! I th-think that you're a g-good pers-"

"I am not a good person! I killed a runner that was your age or younger the other night! I offered to kill runners without blogs to -"

"So you wouldn't have to kill me! Now will you be realistic about-?!"

"I am bein fuckin realistic Skye so just shut the fuck up and save your pity cause I don' wanna fuckin hear it alrigh'?! The only fuckin reason someone'd look at me twice is cause I look like I got dragged outta a wreck, not cause I'm pretty! So just stop talkin and realize that!"

Silence hung heavy in the air. I had been moving closer to him as I yelled and now I was right in his face. It was then that I noticed that I had one of my throwing knives in my hand. I took a step back and dropped it. The clatter it made sounded too loud to me. "I-I'm sorry," I whispered as I stared at the ground.

"I-is that r-really how you f-feel about yours-self?" I heard Skye ask.

"Yeah, it is. I hate myself, and I have good reason to-"

"No you don't," he quietly asserted. I looked up to see that his face was still flushed, but he looked confident. "You're only doing what you are out of necessity right? A-and I d-don't care what you th-think. I think you're p-pretty." He gave me a tentative smile. I half-smiled back.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," I apologized, looking up at him.

"You get a weird accent when you're angry," he blurted out randomly, and then blushed when he realized he had said that out loud.

I stepped back and put a hand to my mouth in an attempt to force back my laughter. "That's the Bal'more accent," I smirked. "Usually when people hear that coming out of my mouth they fear for their lives."

Skye chuckled and shook his head.  "Well I don't really care. I um... I s-still th-think you're p-pretty s-so..." His face flushed up again and he looked down at the ground.

"I still think you're pitying me you know," I shrugged and bent down to pick up the throwing knife. "But I think that's just because I hate myself, not because I don't believe that you truly think that." I returned the knife to my pocket.

"W-well I d-do th-think that!" he asserted, his face red again. He was still staring at the ground.

"Hey," I said softly, "Look at me." Slowly, he complied. "Thank you," I smiled.

"A-any t-t-time," he mumbled.

"I'd give you a hug, but I'd rather not you pass out on my kitchen floor," I gave a small laugh.

"Y-yeah. Th-that would be b-bad..." He laughed nervously. I smiled at him again before I waked over to the stairs.

"I think I'm gonna go read for the rest of the night. Sorry in advance if I wake you up in the middle of the night again. But you can leave me be if you want, it's probably a hassle-"

"Tori." Skye cut me off. "I-I want to h-help you so i-it's fine."

"If you say so," I shrugged as I walked up the stairs. Once I got up there I remembered something. "Oh and Skye?" I called down the stairs.

"Yeah?"

"If we have turkey any time soon I will not be amused."

Just For The Record, The Weather Today Is Slightly Sarcastic With A Good Chance Of...

After our skirmish with that super freaking annoying Rose Bride, Skye and I decided that we needed to spar some more and work on sensing an opponent's movements when you couldn't see them. So, of course my genius suggestion was...

"Blindfolds, really?" Skye asked dubiously over breakfast. He'd made waffles, I'd drowned mine in maple syrup and confectionery sugar. Alaska was looking pleadingly from myself to Skye and back for a bite. I patted her on the head and gave her the hand-signal for "lay down." She complied with a huge sigh.

"Look do you wanna get your ass kicked by a damn Rose Bride again?" I asked him, eyebrows raised.

"No I don't wanna get my ass kicked by you, I'm still sore from my last ass kicking..." he muttered.

"Well then you can kick my ass, or at least try to." I smirked at him as I took another bite of my waffle.

M, who was sitting on top of the China cabinet, made a comment about how he probably wanted to do more than kick my ass. I sighed and craned my neck back to look at her. "Shut up M, not everyone's as sex-driven as you."

"Um..." Skye looked at me blankly as I moved back into a normal sitting posture.

"You don't wanna know," I half-smiled.

In about an hour the both of us were standing in the back yard I held a black bandanna in my hands and was in the process of folding it in a way that it would cover my eyes and actually obscure my vision. For added vision-impairment I had forgone contacts. So everything more than ten feet away was kinda hazy.

"Okay I haven't actually done this before so just walk around me as quietly as you can and I'll reach out when I think you're within arms length?" I shrugged as I put on the blind fold and made sure it covered my whole field of vision. It did. It was unnerving.

"Of course you don't have a plan for this..." Skye muttered.

"You shut up!" I growled as I kicked out to the right. I connected with his leg.

I concentrated on sounds and after a while I could hear the grass rustle minutely when Skye moved. I stayed still, moving my head around like I still had no freaking clue what I was doing. He was behind me now. Five feet? Four?

I whipped around and pushed out with both of my arms at my shoulder level. They connected and I felt Skye start to pitch back before he grabbed my shoulders to steady himself.

"I thought I was being sneaky," he joked. I could feel the vibrations when he talked on my hands. I had connected with his upper torso. Not bad, considering I wasn't aiming and he was moving slowly.

"You were, I just have better hearing," I smirked before stepping back. I felt his hands slip from my shoulders and heard him move out of my range of hearing. I crossed my arms and waited until I could hear him moving or breathing. Minutes passed and I still heard nothing.

Just then the wind picked up, tossing my hair around. Then I felt a light punch connect with my right side. Surprised, I stumbled away and flailed my arms around to regain my balance. "Yes!" Skye exclaimed.

I growled and dove from the direction his voice was. I felt his hands press against my shoulders but that didn't stop me from sweeping out my right leg to kick the back of his knees. And just like that we were sparring. I would listen to his breathing and not how it changed when I hit him or when he would hit me. Skye was holding back of course, after all we weren't training strength. We traded light blows for a while.

Then suddenly my legs were knocked out from under me and Skye was pinning me down on the (slightly muddy) ground. I tried to get my hands free but he had managed to grip both of my wrists in one hand and used his other arm to press down on my shoulders. After I squirmed for a bit, trying to break his hold, I slumped in defeat. The arm holding my shoulder down lifted and then I was fucking blinded. Skye had pulled my blindfold down.

"You did better than I thought you would. You sure your balanced is really that screwed?" I squinted up at him, trying to block out as much of the light filtering down form the cloudy sky as I could.

"My balance is fucked five ways to Friday," I raised my eyebrows as my vision slowly adjusted. "You didn't have to go that easy on me you know," I rolled my eyes.

"I'm sorry, whose pinning whom?" he smirked down at me.

"Ten points for not ending a sentence with a preposition," I smirked back up at him.

"You know, you really don't have to cover up your scars around me." With that he heaved himself off of me and walked back to the house, leaving me lying on the ground, confused. Where the hell was the stuttering, blushing kid that I picked up from Annapolis two weeks ago? Because that was not that kid. (I'm not saying that the confidence isn't an improvement though.)

"He just said that without stuttering," I stated aloud, still on my back.

"Tori, you're blushing," M teased from my right.

"Shut up," I glared at her before picking myself off of the ground.

"Tori's got a-"

"You finish that sentence and I will send you straight back to hell," I growled.

"You let me make a post on your blog and I won't," M smiled mischievously.

"Yeah, whatever." I waved her off and trudged back towards the house intent on a hot shower and downing some ibuprofen partially because the ground is rocky as hell (quartz, it's fucking everywhere out here. There's a giant chunk in the backyard from where the pool got dug out.) and my lower back perpetually aches and it was starting to get on my nerves.

Mission The First (Survive)

Somewhere between happy and total fucking wreck

My eyes scanned my room, doing one last check to make sure that I had everything on me. 

Knives? Four hidden in my jacket in the pockets that I had sewn in earlier just for them, the other four hidden similarly in my sleeves - two per sleeve. 

Guns? Revolver on my right, 9mm on my left - thigh holsters  covered by the jacket. 

Extra ammo? Pockets, that's what they were made for. Two extra clips of ten for the 9mm even though the clip holds 15 - wearing out the spring is a bad idea - and a pocket full of 40-caliber bullets for the revolver. 

The mask hung around my neck, ready to be put on. 

Black jacket, shirt, pants, gloves. 

I had everything.

There was no way in hell I could do this. I knew that I could use the path, I had tried earlier that day when Father had given me my first order. It was unnervingly silent and dark, but easy to navigate when you trusted your instincts. I knew that I had it in me to kill, but that had only been in dire situations or when I was fuled with grief and rage. To do it as a job... 

"It's your friends or them you know, you made the right choice."

Feet sometimes on solid ground, sometimes at the edge.

I sighed and rolled my eyes at the female demon. "I know M, but you know I don't live off of violence." 

M laughed and I shot a glare at the blonde bombshell who guys would swarm around if they could see her. Her emerald eyes glared back at me jokingly. "It's now or never. And you know it wouldn't have killed you to dress sexier..." She rolled her eyes.

I ignored her jab and took a few deep breaths. I patted myself down again to make sure that I had everything and scanned my room once more. I wasn't ready, but I had to be. I closed my eyes, took a step forward and everything became silent. I opened my eyes to see that I was on the Path. I shuddered initially, hating the silence that seemed to press upon me from all sides but as I walked onward the silence became almost comforting. It was dark, and everything was almost grey-scale. I could see some vague shapes in the distance moving, but I didn't care to find out if they were proxies or something else.

I stepped out into an alleyway in Baltimore, somewhere far away from where tourists feel safe. It had signs of being inhabited by someone - there was a pile of sheets near a dumpster and some food wrappers lying around. I sighed and pulled on my mask. I felt bad for this kid, but I had to shut my emotions off for this.

Life for you has been less than kind.

The runner was walking cautiously through the alleyway and I could see the moonlight reflect off of the small knife that he was carrying. When he spotted me, he froze, holding the knife out in front of him like it would save him. I cocked my head to the right, just to see what he would do. 

The runner had guts, and he slowly started advancing towards me. As he got closer I could see that his grip on the knife was wrong and weak, he was shaking, and he wasn't standing in a way that would give him any sort of balance. I allowed him to come within five feet of me before I held up a hand, signaling him to stop.

So take a number, stand in line.

"I come to you with a choice, runner," I stated, breaking the tense silence. The runner stopped dead in his tracks, but at my hand or my words I don't know.

"W-what do you mean? You work for that... that thing right? Why aren't you rushing me like the rest?" The runner's voice shook with fear. The knife wavered in his unskilled hands and his large, terrified eyes tried to find mine under my mask.

"Join me as a Brother, under our Father and live - or die here." My voice was so dead I hardly recognized it as mine. I blocked out M's snarky comment about me sounding like an over-zealous Christian.

"No way! I'm not going to join that thing in a business suit! You're crazy!"

"I'm crazy for giving you a choice sure, but you're the one who wishes death upon himself. And so death shall swiftly come to those who beg it to."

"You're nuts!" the runner screamed as he rushed at me. I blocked his knife with one of my throwing knives. He starred at it, wondering where it had come from.

"I'm sorry," I sighed as stripped the knife from his grip and pointed it at him. I was now holding a knife in each hand. His hand was bleeding from where my knife nicked him while stripping him of his weapon.

We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt.

The runner starred at me, shocked. 

"To live or to die is your choice. I can not tell you which is ideal. But allow me to advise you to chose some more eloquent last words if you insist upon calling upon death."

The runner said nothing, instead choosing to run at me again, weaponless. I kicked him away, into the alleyway wall. I head his breath rush out of him as he slid down. I stood over him, both knives at his throat.

But how we survive...

"N-no please!" He begged.

"The choice is yours runner." I dropped the knives and instead leveled my revolver at his head. 

Suddenly he leapt up, grabbed his knife, and tried to pin me down. He was weak. I threw him off of me and pinned him to the dirty ground. 

"Last chance."

He squirmed, trying to throw me off. But, he was unskilled and untrained, he couldn't have thrown me off of him if I was sitting casually on him. He brought his knife up and slashed by arm. I didn't feel it. 

I picked his head up off of the ground and slammed it down, knocking him out. I stood up off of him and shot him twice, once in the heart and once in the head. 

Is what makes us who we are.

I sighed, looking down at the kid before picking up my throwing knife and holstering the revolver. I kicked his knife over near his body and drew an operator symbol in his blood on the wall. I had faith that the corrupt government with its secrets would cover it up as gang violence or a mugging gone wrong. 

I stepped back on the Path and went home. After a quick shower I stuffed the bloody clothes in a plastic bag (The coat was hydrophobic so it didn't have any blood on it. It took a while to find on the internet.) to be burned later. 

I stumbled into bed around 3am and fell into a dreamless sleep.

That's what makes us who we are