Sunday, July 14, 2013

The Wheel Breaks The Butterfly

"Okay so what the hell is up with people on the blogs?" I blinked and looked up to see Skye descending angrily down the stairs. "I mean at first it was fine but now it's just annoying."

"It's entertainment I guess. Or maybe they're hoping on a Slender Man version of Romeo and Juliet. I really couldn't care less," I sighed as I carried the vase of black roses over to the sink and refilled the water. I don't give two shits if they're from Smiley, they're pretty and they smell nice.

"It doesn't bother you?" Skye asked.

I chuckled and shook my head as I put the vase back where it was. "You act like this is the first time I've had people try to play match-maker with me." I smirked over at Skye as I hopped up to sit on the kitchen counter; he had a confused look on his face. "I did happen to go through middle school and freshman year before all this happened."

"W-well they could at least tone it down," he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. The turkey comment from Chris - while clever and seasonally inappropriate enough to be funny - was a bit over the line. But I can't really blame them..." I shrugged.

"I guess you have a point..." Skye trailed off as he leaned on the counter across from me.

"I generally do, if only people listen." I chuckled again before sighing. "Besides," I paused, wondering how I should phrase my next sentence. "It's not like anyone could really find me attractive anyway," I shrugged.

"W-what do you m-mean Tori?!" Skye asked, a bit louder and more flustered than before. His face was starting to flush up.

I have a dry chuckle. "Have you seen my skin?" I gave him a hard stare while I uncrossed and recrossed my legs. Since that sparring match I had taken to wearing shorts and tank-tops around the house like usual. "Like I said before, you'd be hard pressed to find a square inch of me that isn't scarred. How the hell can anyone be attracted to that? God knows I'm not and I'm the one who has to look at myself in the mirror every damn day! So how could..." I trailed off and averted my gaze to the floor. I noticed that I had been yelling and I felt like I was going to cry again. I pushed back the tears - now was not the time to cry.

"B-but you're wrong!" Skye exclaimed. I looked up at him to see that he was blushing worse than before. But, he had a determined look in his eyes that I hadn't really seen much of. When he noticed I was looking at him his face turned the colour of the tomato that was sitting on the counter next to him. "I a-actually th-think you're r-really p-pretty," he mumbled, staring at the floor.

I stared at him for a few seconds before heaving myself off of the counter and landing lightly on the kitchen floor. "Thanks, but I don't need your pity."

"I-it's n-not pity!" I looked up at  him, surprised to see that he was looking straight at me. "I-I don't care if y-you have a-a thousand s-scars or none! I th-think that you're a g-good pers-"

"I am not a good person! I killed a runner that was your age or younger the other night! I offered to kill runners without blogs to -"

"So you wouldn't have to kill me! Now will you be realistic about-?!"

"I am bein fuckin realistic Skye so just shut the fuck up and save your pity cause I don' wanna fuckin hear it alrigh'?! The only fuckin reason someone'd look at me twice is cause I look like I got dragged outta a wreck, not cause I'm pretty! So just stop talkin and realize that!"

Silence hung heavy in the air. I had been moving closer to him as I yelled and now I was right in his face. It was then that I noticed that I had one of my throwing knives in my hand. I took a step back and dropped it. The clatter it made sounded too loud to me. "I-I'm sorry," I whispered as I stared at the ground.

"I-is that r-really how you f-feel about yours-self?" I heard Skye ask.

"Yeah, it is. I hate myself, and I have good reason to-"

"No you don't," he quietly asserted. I looked up to see that his face was still flushed, but he looked confident. "You're only doing what you are out of necessity right? A-and I d-don't care what you th-think. I think you're p-pretty." He gave me a tentative smile. I half-smiled back.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," I apologized, looking up at him.

"You get a weird accent when you're angry," he blurted out randomly, and then blushed when he realized he had said that out loud.

I stepped back and put a hand to my mouth in an attempt to force back my laughter. "That's the Bal'more accent," I smirked. "Usually when people hear that coming out of my mouth they fear for their lives."

Skye chuckled and shook his head.  "Well I don't really care. I um... I s-still th-think you're p-pretty s-so..." His face flushed up again and he looked down at the ground.

"I still think you're pitying me you know," I shrugged and bent down to pick up the throwing knife. "But I think that's just because I hate myself, not because I don't believe that you truly think that." I returned the knife to my pocket.

"W-well I d-do th-think that!" he asserted, his face red again. He was still staring at the ground.

"Hey," I said softly, "Look at me." Slowly, he complied. "Thank you," I smiled.

"A-any t-t-time," he mumbled.

"I'd give you a hug, but I'd rather not you pass out on my kitchen floor," I gave a small laugh.

"Y-yeah. Th-that would be b-bad..." He laughed nervously. I smiled at him again before I waked over to the stairs.

"I think I'm gonna go read for the rest of the night. Sorry in advance if I wake you up in the middle of the night again. But you can leave me be if you want, it's probably a hassle-"

"Tori." Skye cut me off. "I-I want to h-help you so i-it's fine."

"If you say so," I shrugged as I walked up the stairs. Once I got up there I remembered something. "Oh and Skye?" I called down the stairs.

"Yeah?"

"If we have turkey any time soon I will not be amused."

13 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. I understand how it feels to be ashamed of your appearance.

    -Mira

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    1. The previous two comments were deleted because Mira was stressing about whether or not she had worded her thoughts properly. ^.^

      Now excuse me while she proceeds to kick my ass for telling you this.

      -Raggedy

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  4. : )

    Scars do not beauty mar.

    I think that's written somewhere.

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  5. Psh. Fine. I'll tone it down. But make note that if the moment ever presents itself where I can, in good fun, be an ass towards you, I will not hesitate to jump on that chance.

    -Raggedy

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    1. I still owe you that visit/bitchslap don't I? Maybe I'll get around to it this week... Haha.

      And never let the opportune moment pass.

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  6. I don't know, in my opinion Scars don't make the person seem ugly, as KnitWolf would probably say, Scars are beautiful in their own way, each of them carries a story behind them.

    Take me for example, my whole body is covered in burns and I have no eye, simply because my darling, my love Fortissimo was trying to adjust to my body. Those scars of mine represent the love for my darling, Fortissimo.

    Because of that I don't hate myself, or think I'm ugly, I was going to make my body go through that torture, only because I wanted Fortissimo to be comfortable. Same thing you're doing with Skye up there, your killing in order to keep him safe. You're doing an awful thing, but your end goal is a good intention.

    And my favorite Runner always said, that you can only judge something, only by it's end result. So you can't really call yourself a horrible person if you're doing what you're doing with good intentions.

    Also, am I invited to the wedding? Sorry, couldn't resist.

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  7. One of my favorite runners uses a certain logic to determine if this, or that plan was stupid, or not. He looks at the end results of that plan, and if the end result is a good one, then the plan was a smart one, even though it seemed stupid.

    Similar thing here, yes it is horrible what you do, kill people (Oh the horror!). But does that mean that you're a horrible person? I mean your end result has nothing but good intentions in it, which is protecting Skye.

    Look at it this way, a mother's son is threatened to get killed, if she doesn't kill this, or that person the son dies, she does it, does that make her a horrible person? I doubt it, I mean, she was only trying to save her child, nothing but good intentions.

    But the major difference in those examples is that that's a Mother and a Son, you two are simply friends, nowhere near the kind of relationship a mother has with her son. It is surprising that you are willing to go to such lengths to protect this shy little lamb.

    As for the Scars comment, I feel absolutely offended, Scars is not a representation of ugliness! Its a representation of your life, your story, for you see, each scar has a story behind it, a meaning. Take me for example, my whole body is covered in burn marks, they are a representation of my affection for my darling, Fortissimo. I was willing to let her do that kind of thing to my body, in order for her to feel more comfortable, these scars of mine tell the story, of the beginning of my relationship with my darling, my love, Fortissimo.

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    1. I want to add that when Kelevra has stopped by I haven't blushed and/or stuttered and/or snuggle and/or told him he looks pretty and/or fall asleep on him like you and Skye have.

      (Actually, I have stuttered, but only out of fear, because he is a tall scary Russian guy, I assure you that Incognito, Vikady and Mendella all get that same reaction, although I am getting used to it.)

      And beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You may have all scars that you consider ugly, but you said you'd had at least two boyfriends. My skin only has a few scars because I'm new to this running lark, and I'm skinny and tall yet I've never had a boyfriend, I put it down to my personality. You're here having pulled two, maybe three.

      I'm gonna have a big azoth-inflicted scar on my shoulder once it's healed fully, from when I killed the guy who murdered my family, so yes, each scar does have a story. More often than not, each scar signifies a struggle that you survived, that you got your ass out of there alive.

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    2. I agree with these two. I may not talk about it much anymore, but that's because I'm used to it. My entire torso is covered in scars that I don't remember getting, and new ones still pop up from time to time. Honestly, I kinda have a love/hate relationship with them. I obviously am getting them for a reason. But I don't remember the stories. I will, however, say that I am very proud of the treetop large ones on either shoulder, and the giant-ass one down my left side. Even if that isn't fully healed yet. I remember those....
      And I'm babbling.

      Point is, scars aren't bad, they aren't ugly. They make you who you are, they tell your story.

      I am, honestly, ashamed to show my scars to people, but there are only eight that I would remove, and those ate the ones I made myself.

      -Ash

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    3. Kelevra: I like that logic actually... And we may not be close like a mother and child, but I just... I want to protect people. That's what I started running for, and why I became a medic and now this... I can't really explain what drives me to protect people it's a compulsion I have. And is Fortissimo a very ... loud person? Sorry, you could say that bad music puns are my... forte.
      Okay that's enough of that...

      Sanna: Ah, just give them some Vodka and they should be fine. Haha. And Vic and Sky were both pre-scars. Well.... the majority of them anyway... But I'd rather not think about the ones that I gave myself. And I'm pretty surprised that people tolerate me in person. Two words: sarcastic bitch.
      Ugh Azoth-infected stuff sucks big time. You're in for loads of fun.
      And you have a point. At least I don't have to shave my legs cause of all the scar tissue, right? Haha.

      Ash: Babbling is fine! That's what blogs are for. We babble to each other and somehow become friends if we don't have to kill each other. And apparently my story according to my scars is: "So I thought I could kill this guy who was my friend but I was wrong. Yeah I was a dumbass but I'm past that stage of my life. Oh also depression sucks ass."
      And all of the ones I made myself are too mixed in with the other ones, so I don't think that I could get them removed. Haha.

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