No Such Thing As Peace Indeed.

His song had been getting louder and louder, no matter how I tried to drown it out. It had started when I comforted Skye after his first meditation session. It had changed from what it usually was, an ominous sound, to this new song. And I couldn't block it out.

Screeching, screaming, pain, so much pain, pleading, headache, pain, extreme pain

I AM NOT FINISHED WITH YOU 

screaming, pleading voices, pained breathing, fire, burning, hell

YOU SHOULD HAVE FINISHED THE RUNNER

headache. Go downstairs. Pain pills. burning screaming pleading hellfire no eyes help me sees me SHUT UP WE HAD A DEAL

noble child, why did you not kill the runner? that is what my children are made to do

"We had a deal!" I yelled as I whipped around to face Him. He stood there, no tentacles this time, but He still did not have hands. It was as if His sleeves covered His hands. His body language was that of a father scolding a child.

you are a caregiver to your siblings not to runners. why did you ignore my song noble child?

"I have a name asswipe, stop calling me noble," I rolled my eyes. The headache intensified and I closed my eyes, gasping. In my head I heard M, one of my friendlier demons, cursing Him out. I told her it was fine. I looked back up to Him to see that His multitude of tentacles were out and flailing angrily.

child kill the runner this is an order

"No!" I gasped out as the tendrils grew closer and closer to me. One brushed my arm and I resisted the urge to vomit. The slippery feel of slimy polished wood was just as sickening as I remembered. 

NOBLE CHILD KILL THE SLEEPING RUNNER NOW

"No. I refuse to kill any run-" one of His tentacles wrapped around my throat. The song intensified, rivaled only by M's enraged yelling.

I WILL NOT TELL YOU AGAIN NOBLE CHILD, GO KILL THE SLEEPING RUNNER THIS IS AN ORDER

"N-no one with a blog," I gasped out. The tendril receded and then they disappeared, leaving Him looking like He did when I first saw Him, both today and so long ago. Head tilted to the side in a show of slight confusion. I had done something unexpected. I had to take advantage of it. 

"They'll be easier targets, they have no way to get organized, no one to talk to. They'll just end up a bunch of runaways that never came home. They'll be easier to convince to become a part of your family, Father." I looked up at Him, smiling with bloodlust.

One of his arms reached out , the darkness under the suit sleeve forming into a tendril of darkness. I watched, mesmerized as it formed and reached out. It stroked my cheek and this time I did not shudder, I did not flinch, I did not hesitate to listen to the now melodious song of consideration.

noble child, we shall change our agreement

I sighed in relief and looked up at that blank, white face gratefully.

you shall kill runners that i tell you to if they can not be reasoned with to become your sibling 

you shall show no mercy nor compassion for you are my child

these are your orders noble child

"Yes Father," I breathed. I closed my eyes, opened them, and he was gone.

Oh god what have I done? What did I just agree to? I'm not a killer! I'm not a murderer! I can't kill innocent runners! They haven't done anything. Oh my god what can I do? What can I do? Oh my god I ha-

"Tori?"

No no no no I wont do this nononononononononoNONONONONONONONO!

"Tori are you okay?"

My eyes snapped up to a figure standing in front of me. Tall, taller than me. Get away get away getawaygeta-

"What happened?" 

I stopped my frantic backward crawling and looked up again. They spoke, the tall shadow spoke. HE doesn't talk out loud HE talks in my head HE uses HIS song to tell me what to do. not HIM not HIM not HIm not Him not him not father.

"...." I opened my mouth in an attempt to speak, but a choked sob forced its way out instead. Skye kneeled down in front of me so I could finally see his face. His sleepy bright blue eyes, so innocent and so concerned looking at me, his disheveled dark red hair, so vibrant, his face so childish yet almost adult. I shut my mouth and shook my head, unable to make words.

"Hey, hey what happened?" Skye whispered. 

I gave him a confused glance before bringing a hand slowly up to my face. I was crying. "I..." I choked out.

My eyes darted frantically around the room at this realization as everything hit. They bounced from the cutlery drawer to the knives on the counter to the drawer where some straight razors were and i wanted to reach for a blade and grasp it in my hand and

I flung myself into Skye and cried, great sobs that shook my whole body. I cried for what had just happened - I cried for fear. I cried for those I would have to kill - I cried for guilt. I cried for myself - I cried for pity. I cried for the end and the beginning and the stars and the moon and for Vic and for Sky and for Andrew and for Naomi and for Ryan and for those who I had killed before.

Skye eventually started shushing me and rubbing my back as I cried into his chest. And eventually I cried myself to sleep in his arms. I woke up in my own bed, tucked in and cuddling with one of the stuffed pandas that Vic gave to me that I kept for sentimental value (and they're adorable. It's a fat panda with nubby arms and legs oh my christ it's so cute... ahem...) slightly confused until I remembered what happened. 

But I did not cry. 

Instead I stumbled out of bed, and did a weapons check. Throwing knives needed to be sharpened, my 40 caliber revolver needed to be cleaned before I used it and some more bullets for it couldn't hurt. My 9mm was in fine condition and there was enough ammo to last me a while. The M1 Garand was my baby and I would not let proxies hurt her. She stayed home and was for defending the house only. I grabbed my mask from my closet and hug it up near my weapons. 

I'm not proud of what I've become, and I'm not proud of what I will do. But I feel somewhat justified. I'm alive and so is Skye and no runners with blogs have to fear me. 

But I am not proud. And I am not happy.

But I will do what I have since the beginning:

Survive and protect those I care about to the best of my ability.

X Tori