Saturday, June 23, 2012; 6:30AM, EST
Antithesis
One month. One month of sitting in the dark and thinking. One month of barely speaking to the other in the apartment. One month of knowing what my decision would be and trying to convince myself otherwise. One month. One decision. So many possible outcomes. Everything leading up to this day. Everything that's happened since almost a year ago. Everything came down to one month, one decision, and fifty plus possible outcomes.
My thoughts were reeling. Still so much indecision, so many un-thought of possibilites. So many "what if's" plagued my mind. One month of solid thinking, and I still wavered on my decision.
It's for the best of everyone
It could get you killed
It's to protect them.
It's part of his plan you know
I'd rather them be safe than not. And if I have to do this for them, I'll do it.
... Your funeral
A decision had been reached.
"I'm sorry," I whispered as he faded away. I knew he wouldn't be talking with me for a while.
The sound of a dish or mug breaking. Ceramic shattering against tile. A chill in the air. The decision had been made, no going back on it.
I stood up and stepped out of my room. My walk and posture showed confidence that I didn't have.
Confidence is ignorance.
His last message to me as a runner.
Everyone stood by Lucia, sure that He was here for her, or Devin, or both.
"You can put the weapons down." My voice - scratchy from not being used - startled them.
"Tori, what are you..?" Lucia's confusion turned to understanding. "You don't need to do this."
"I do. You're not the only people I'll need to protect," I gave her a smile. "So, best to get started now."
"Tori, you're insane," Sammi sighed and shook her head at me, but her words were half-hearted. They all knew that whatever I'd been thinking about this past month was of the utmost importance. They all knew that they couldn't sway me from this decision. They dispersed, leaving me with Him and the remnants of a mug that had once held tea.
such a selfless child
His many, many tendrils filled the room. Even in here, His height was enormous. My neck craned so I could look him in the face. Thee was no fear anymore, no indecision. Only a steeled determination to protect those I love.
so willing
He stepped closer. Just one step. I can't tell you what His "voice" sounds like. Wolf describes it as a song, but to me it was just like reading from a passage, or just knowing the words.
such a noble child blinded by love
He was closer, three feet, tendrils surrounded me.
your terms are agreed to
closer. The touch of them was... curious. Smooth. Hot. Sparking with electricity. Hard like polished wood. They were all around me, consuming me. The briefest flare of pain from that long-since healed scar.
Nothing. Blackness. No sound. No sight. Nothing at all.
Sounds came back first. Conversation, low and muted but nearby. The sound of the mug being swept up. The hum of the central heating and air. The soft sound of either Diaram or Kako padding around.
Feelings came back next. Face on carpet, hand on the tiled floor of the kitchen. My shirt sitting uncomfortably on the scar (if it was still just a scar) on my lower back.
I sat up, slightly confused, until the memories filtered back into my mind. I shuddered at the remembered feeling of tendrlis-on-skin and pushed it to the back of my mind. I looked around. Lucia, Wolf, and Fell were talking. Diesel had just finished sweeping and went about mopping up the tea. Sammi was making cookies again. It was as if nothing was different, as if they had simply let me come to in my own time. For that I was grateful.
None of them gave me weird looks. None of them asked what had happened. Four of them knew already, and Lucia had no desire to. Wolf gave me a nod, Fell gave me a smile. Diesel patted me on the head and Sammi offered me some cookie dough (which I gladly accepted). Lucia smiled her thanks, hand resting contentedly on her stomach, and that was the end of it.
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